


the drive

by orphan_account



Series: the drive [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Airplanes, Alcoholism, Angst, Bar Fight, Breathplay, Cuddling, Dean's Fear of Flying, Drugs, F/M, Fluff, Forced coming out, M/M, Partying, Smut, Songs, band au, controversial incest, narcissim, photographers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-05 20:25:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 5,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12196800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dean and Sam's relationship was all smooth sailing, secret, and strong until a series of accidents brought trouble to not only themselves but their band as well.When you're swimming in controversy, how can you possibly stop yourself from drowning?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Winmance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winmance/gifts).



> winmance~ thanks for giving me the push to write this. this whole damn story is for you xx

(Prelude)

Sammy was the type to pray before the big shows. Dean, being devoutly atheist, thought this was absurd, but to Sam it was just a natural thing. We've come this far let us get farther let Dean love me let the crowd love us let them scream I want to hear them scream I want.... Dean would chuckle every time and Sammy would scowl and Benny and Crowley would just smile because of course these two would bicker and mess with each other. Their love was a strong, blinding thing, but they were still brothers. And there was no fault in that.

The night had been settled for hours now and the concert was soon, but for now Dean had Sam's not so wiry frame all drawn up close to him, while Benny idly played guitar and Crowley was God knows where doing God knows what. Sam was jittery, like always, eager to drum out the restlessness. They could hear the eager crowd, hear them bubbling over with excitement. Just as Sam was getting blissfully lost in his thoughts, Crowley came bursting in. Sam jumped, Dean's arms tightened around him.

"Let's go, hurry up." Dean frowns. "We've got an hour." He's given that stubborn rich kid look. Like he's above it all. "We had an hour an hour ago. Now get off your ass!"  
Sam chuckes, stands.

Absorbs the stage lights into his soul.


	2. space me out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hold me down/ warm my cold/ you can't wait forever/ while we're getting old

They were exhausted.

Sam's muscles spasm almost constantly, so used to the drums that they don't know what to do without him. Per usual, they all crash in the same hotel room. They've been doing that since their first away gig, back when they couldn't afford more than just one. Now they can't have it any other way. Crowley's damn accent and cockiness, Dean and Sam's sickeningly sweet love, Benny's tipsy comments, they're all necessities.

Dean's got Sam pulled close, gently rubbing his arms through the spasms. His voice is raspy and they've got a plane to catch and an arena to play for tomorrow, and then an interview, so he can't afford to lose his voice. It's quiet tonight, everyone's preparing for tomorrow in their own way. Whether it's drinking or relaxing or disappearing to go party, there's something that needs to be done to keep their fragile ecosystem stable. Bands are sensitive. One little thing and they're thrown off. 

"De, do you want some kinda somethin' for tomorrow? A pill?" Sam asks. Dean shakes his head, just barely murmurs, "'M fine." Sam lets out a little yawn. Dean thinks this is just so adorable, says, "You're so cute when you yawn." To this, Sam blushes. "And when you blush." 

"Shut up." 

Dean chuckles, kisses him, and they stay intertwined and kissing until the others complain.


	3. pre-flight: sammy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slow me down/ are we sinning on the nights that we lay close/ i want your love/ i swear that you're the one i've needed most

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'thank you's:
> 
> winmance~ eternally grateful. your comments give me life
> 
> other readers~ if it weren't for you guys i probably would be sad because no one but winmance would be reading and....
> 
> winmance~ did i already say how much i appreciate you ilysm

All the bags were packed and stacked and ready to be dragged out to the airport for the flight. Dean's anxiety gave Sam anxiety and none of them needed to be nervous. 

He needed to calm down. He'd made a pot of black tea to calm him down, and the thought alone of that warmth made him shiver in anticipation. He could smell it. But, Dean....

He's still pacing.

Sam gives a mental thanks for everything, that they've gotten so far, that they're not poverty level desperate like they used to be and that they're well fed and sleeping well and able to enjoy this. 

Is there a plan for us? Sam wonders. Do You have a road set out for us? Is that why we're here today? 

Sam lets out a soft sigh, fixes his unruly hair. He had to be celebrity-refined or the media wouldn't leave him alone with the vulnerable, unprepared version of himself. He couldn't skip his little routine or he looked like a child. And a child he is no longer.

He's a man with a plan in a band. Oh, yeah, that rhymed.


	4. pre-flight: Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you draw the white line/ i'll breathe it in/ pastel pills/ swimming in sin
> 
> ~ draw the line, a shot the drive took at indie, which was both a success and an outrage, depending on which fan you ask.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> winmance read my fic and commented as soon as it was posted maybe im obnoxious about how great this fucking person is but i just can't you're so great
> 
>  
> 
> someone should shut me up

Dead couldn't blame Sammy for taking over the bathroom. He didn't even try; hearing his soft prayer-murmurs made the wait worth it. He thought the concept was absurd, but it made Sammy happy and Dean couldn't imagine Sam without religion anyways. The kid latched on to it at an early age, back when they were hungry and his mother's voice still echoed in his mind.

It suits him, but not Dean.

The moment Sam freed the bathroom, Dean took over, did some lines albeit almost sneezing and burning, let that nice warmth wash over him. Being a celebrity has its perks, you can walk around high and it's okay. Sammy hates it but they're flying and Dean's always high on planes. Never has he been sober and flying.

A haphazard fix of his hair left him with a sexy dishevel, which was good enough for him. 

It's gonna be a nice flight.


	5. pre-flight: benny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh nobody'll do it like me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> winmance~ i actually have motivation to write this wow thank you

Three hours until the flight. That's one and a half hours until they have to go. 

Where the hell is Crowley? Why is he always gone? He's like the elusive brother everyone forgets about until they leave him on a vacation across the country and it's infuriating. And he has the audacity to show up at the last second and fling around that snooty accent and tell them how late they are.

At least Dean and Sam are always around. Just look for the moose and bam there's half the band. The beer bottle he's got is starting to drip water on the outside and his hand's all wet. To get rid of that little inconvenience, he downs the rest of it. Band perk 1: You can fly drunk and no one'll bust you. And if they do you can just bribe their silence.

Three beers and a scotch later that Crowley is still out god knows where. And Dean's disappeared into the bathroom. 

And where's Sammy?

The fucking bathroom.

Of course. 

It's raining now, Sam's gonna be pissed when he has to walk out in that. His hair'll get frizzy and Dean'll laugh and rustle the mess of wet disorder and the cameras'll flash and get that moment preserved forever. It's picturesque and a shame, how their genuine moments can be stolen and shared and saved. 

And thus, the perpetual dilemma of the celebrity scene: money or privacy?


	6. pre-flight: crowley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> crowley's always cocky
> 
> he always disappears
> 
> and he likes to point out that we're late with bullshitting and sneers
> 
> \- that one time sam decided to mess with crowley

She tastes like cherries.

Her lips are soft against his, sweet and smooth, a little follower. Just returns the kiss, responds in endearingly shy ways. He likes that, but only for tonight. If it's a long term she'd need to engage more.

His favorites passtime is this, picking up a girl and giving her a hell of a time. Of course, it always leaves him late, but at least he's prepared.

Like today.

No one's fucking ready and it's time to go. Benny's drinking and reading the fans' stories and art and rants with an amused smile playing on his lips. Dean is... Gone. The moose is gone.... 

Nevermind.

A bang against the bathroom door- from the inside- tells him all he needs to know. "Let's go, let's go! We've got things to do! Dean, you do this every time, sex won't stall long enough to miss the plane."

Some indistinct sentence is shouted from the bathroom, at which point Sammy freely moans. He thinks Dean'll smother the sound. He doesn't.

This band. A late as hell, gay as hell mess.


	7. the plane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's plain to see/ i'd love for you to set me free

Ohgodohgodohgodohgod

"Oh, God" is an odd thing for Dean to be thinking right now. Or any time, really. Addressing a fictional thing. Sammy's Security Blanket. It's the most endearing thing, seeing him pray. It's a stream of things on big days, but it's just the average things on average days. The food-bed-Dean thing. Thanks for the necessities but also Dean. Dean especially.   
Dean loves it.

But he hates flying more than he loves Sammy. 

"We're gonna crash."

"We won't."

"Just watch we're gonna crash planes do it all the time-"

"Dean, you do this every time." Benny chimes in. 

"Shut the hell up."

Everyone but Dean laughs, as Dean is too stubborn to let himself laugh at his paranoia. He's an adamant plane hater.

Sam moves to hold his hand, but then a flight attendant comes into first class and Sam pulls away at the speed of light. The attendant doesn't look their way.

Concert-interview day is making everyone nervous. 

But then Sam's lips are on Dean's cheek and two things happen:

Dean smiles, 

The attendant gets a picture, which is from the side of the back of Sam's head. Very controversial.


	8. media and airport food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> am i a liar? / or do you just not see / that none of your problems / lead back to me / kiss her / kiss me / just make sure that i don't see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winmance ~ another big thank you, another ilysm

The fanbase exploded.   
This picture, this fucking picture, had the potential to wreak everything. There were tweets, but then again there were always tweets.... But twitter was the dictator of everything.   
Sam lightly sipped at an energy drink, Dean his coffee, Crowley some smuggled alcohol and, Benny had coffee like Dean. They liked their coffee black, in remembrance of when coffee was the necessity and creamer was a luxury. They used to be tenement-poor, the three of them. Three impoverished youth with a knack for art. 

Crowley had been rich, kicked out of his house and disenchanted and then wealthy again thanks to the drive. He's sort of an anomaly but entirely family. Even if he is conceited sometimes.

It wasn't until after getting off the plane that they realized the media betrayal. Fans were giving them The Look, smiling The Smile while getting their limbs, belongings or other things signed. "You should check Twitter." One fan had said, a girl of seventeen with pastel hair and big glasses. She'd seen their utter confusion and unrest. They signed her laptop. Then checked the internet.

And there it was.

Sam choked on his Monster. It burned. Dean needed to do some lines because now he feels watched does he always feel watched isn't he always watched can't escape it because it's the spotlight? "Jesus." Someone murmurs, and Dean's distantly aware that it's him, not Sammy.

No one speaks for a while. Then Crowley Saves The Day. Per usual. Something to brag about. "Look, just tweet something satirical. See?"

@theactualcrowley  
my bandmates can't even whisper to eachother without you rabid fangirls dissecting it. 

Sam lets out a laugh, a relieved little chuckle. After Sam posted his own remark, they got some ramen like it never happened. As if it was over.


	9. the concert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'll draw it on your skin / this thing we're swimming in / it'll drown you / i'll surround you

Sammy's drumming.

Maybe there is a god; Sammy is purely etheral, hair whipping around, drumsticks flying. It's always a struggle not to look, especially during these times, when Dean's not singing and it's just the instrumental. 

So he observes the crowd.

There's a girl right up near the stage. Not Pastel Girl- a pretty blonde with things drawn (tattooed?) all up her fingers to her arms. Looks interesting enough. He grasps the hands of as many people as he can reach. Someone tries to pull him into the crowd, but Dean holds his ground. Even chuckles. "Hey, you've got a backstage pass, no need to rush, okay?" The girl in question blushes, but looks like she'd been scolded. "It's alright, I kinda did the same thing at my first concert. Whaddaya think that line in 'stage dweller' is about? 'Come down to me/ level out with me/'? Love? That song's about wanting the fucking person you're there watching. I get you. It's special, I know." He lets go of her hand, gives her a smile. By the time he gets around to Tattoo Girl, his verse is up and he kneels right in front of her, holds her hand. Soft, firm. Trembling. 

It's a sex ballad, one with sudden bursts of drummingandplayingsofastitfeelsintense and the words are sung with direct eye contact with Tattoo Girl.

"I'll keep you warm for him / I'll touch you there the world ain't fair / can I be there? Can I be there?" Dean feels Sam's jealously like a sixth sense, Sammy sense. He's probably thinking God don't let him kiss her but he doesn't get the chance to; she kisses him. 

Lips detach: "I'll treat you fair,"  
Again: "Can I be there?" 

Pulls away. 

Tattoo Girl, singing the background vocals they usually skip: "I'll be there tonight."

That version hasn't been played in a couple years now. 

DrumDrumDrumDrum

(extra drum?)

Crash.

Laughs from everywhere. 

"Sammy broke it!" Benny. 

All Dean can think is wellI'minforitnowSammy'susinghisMooseStrengthonsomedrumsohno


	10. concert high//drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so go ahead and kiss her / 'cause i know that you miss her / she dresses like a hurricane / you don't even know her name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short chapter oops

"You kissed her?" 

Benny drinks. Crowley drives. Sam and Dean calmly disagree about our beloved Tattoo Girl.

"Correction: She kissed me."

"You sung to her, Dean."

"I sing to everyone." 

Crowley turns up the radio. 

"It's different. You sang to her and kissed her. You don't do that to everyone."

"Would you rather everyone find out about us and never be able to play another show, or would you rather me kiss a few girls?"

Sam sighs. Dean's right. 

"Fine. Just don't date Tattoo Girl."


	11. interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> below me / you lay / can you just stay

Interviewer: Let's talk about your new album, 'great escape'. Why the return to the indie scene?

(Sam chuckles. Dean leans back in his chair.)

Dean: I don't see genre. When we think in boxes it fucks everything up, you're labelling art. We just wanted something easy sounding. 

Interviewer: Okay, how about topic? You seem to be reverting to 'closure' era topics.

Sam: We are. There's a depth to, uh, you know. Being in poverty, and no one sees it. No one likes to go behind the scenes. 

Benny: We touched up on a lot of things in 'closure'. It was kind of an overview of what we did, what we thought. But now we're centering in on drug central. You don't think you're poor when you're high. You think you're on top of the world. 

Interviewer: Did Crowley get any say in the album?

(Crowley laughs. Dean smirks.)

Crowley and Dean, simultaneously: None at all. 

 

 

Interviewer: Let's talk Twitter.

(Collective look of agitation. Sam fidgets a bit. Dean's fingers tap. Crowley looks collected.)

Interviewer: What do you have to say about the picture?

(Sam seems to recover, chuckles.)

Sam: We were talking about the tour, planning something special for Tallahassee. 

Interviewer: The city you cancelled on?

Sam: You could say that. Crowley OD'd.

(Uncomfortable looks. Sad.)

Sam: Anyway, the attendant was there and we didn't wanna have our plan leaked, so I whispered something to Dean, and that's where the picture came from. 

(Interviewer gets idea! Nods.)

Interviewer: How about we talk relationships. What's with Dean and the girl at the concert?

(Dean smirks.)

Dean: Oh, she was a special one. 

(Sam shifts uncomfortably.)

Interviewer: And, Sam? What about you?

(Sam sound almost biting and aloof.)

Sam: Oh, I've got a girl, alright. But she's a secret. 

(Now it's Dean's turn to scowl.)


	12. interlude 1: breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i love you better with your hands around my throat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i was late to post

Sam made the most beautiful sounds. 

For a budding adult, you'd think him innocent, but that is not the case: his lips crash against Dean's like high tide and the shoreline, his hips grind something heavenly sinful. Those sounds, they rumble like primal growls in his throat, lustful thunder. And every thrust, when they finally came, were the lightning, against his (ohyestheretheretheresammysamsam) prostate, slowly killing him. Orgasmic high is better than every drug you could inhale, inject, or swallow. The tingles and the (ohsweetmotheroffuck) fucking sounds Sammy makes. 

The sounds the remaining half of the band pretended to not hear whilst trying to unhear the pleasured whimpermoangrowls. 

But when they came. That drew some comment.


	13. interlude 2: the climax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> constrict me / confine me / i'll let you design me

Dean's muscles always shudder as he gets close. 

Sam's hands shake with the impending pleasure overflow, wants to drive Dean over the edge first. 

He doesn't like coming first. 

Likes hearing Dean loose himself, being able to get off to it.

So, Sam speeds along the process, slides a hand up Dean's (ohyesyesyesyessammy) throat, finding the throatendswindpipe begins and pressing, watches Dean's chest flutter and his Adam's apple bob as he tries to search for air, likes the sudden wave of sensitivity and the orgasm that always ensues.

Sammy follows, moaning shamelessly.


	14. interlude: home and controversy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the drugs are a little decaf now / i wonder if he hears me / under the covers we're secondhand lovers / and nothing'll ever compare /

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winmance~ i didn't forget about you and this fic :)

The flight home was, for Dean, both literally and metaphorically high. Sam took a sleeping pill and was out the whole time. Benny, their grounding quasi-caretaker, was also asleep due to alcohol. The haughtily accented voice of satire was also asleep, or pretending to be. Now, normally Dean would've had the common sense to not be so affectionate, but Sammy just looked so invitingly snuggley in his blanket, and Dean had done too many lines to think straight. 

He'd had Sammy pulled close to his chest, eyes closed and occasionally kissing him, for hours. This caused an immediate wave of uproar of various types in the cyberspace, which the band wouldn't catch wind of until their two day break was over. They went off the grid on break days. Family only, which meant just the four of them. 

Just the four of them in blissful ignorance.


	15. downfall (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did you want it/ you said you want it

It happened at a restaurant.   
Their last night at home, an all you can eat sushi place. It was an ambush at its finest, and they were spitefully impressed and horrified.

"Excuse me, may I ask you a question?" A reporter materialized out of seemingly nowhere. Sam retracted his hand from Dean's under the table, flashed a limelight smile. Dean had half the sense to know what this was about and made an effort to be flirtatious. Just Sammy and Dean out tonight, a perfect fucking target.

"Usually it's the whole band out. Why is it just the two of you today?"

Now Sam knew, too, went a bit pale. Of course, Dean was trying to make things go well, but God forbid Sam having to talk. He'll stammer their way into a media nightmare. Dean chuckles. "Well, doll, we all know about the whole thing with drinking and drugs, right? Well, since Sammy here's underage... I wanted him away from that influence." 

The lady nods. "You sure there's nothing.... Different, between you two?" Sammy chokes on his soda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> winmance- sorry for the wait my health is declining all of a sudden. went to the er and now have some brain scans scheduled


	16. downfall (2) ; dismantle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh you held on / but only to pills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst ensues. sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> we all knew it was coming though.
> 
> this is disgracefully brief because i'm running on empty today.
> 
> Winmance- thank you so much for your support, from the original work to this. thank you for your comments and your concerns and just getting me started on this

"You know, there's /proof/ now. Videos, pictures, like this one."

Dean goes pale as he's shown a picture, a lovers' embrace.

There's no hiding it now. 

There's only denial and the cocaine in his pocket. 

"No comment." Dean grits out.

Although, Sammy is upfront and naïve. "Love isn't a choice."

Media uproar at its finest.


	17. from the ground up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> caught up in your round up / do me again / do me again / build me from thew ground up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter, im sorry
> 
>  
> 
> lilcupcake03: this is the best ive got right now with the whole longer chapter thing.

"What the hell was that?" Dean slams the door shut so hard the fucking walls rattle. Sammy swallows thickly, overcome by anxiety. Dean never yelled. 

"That's not how you handle things! You make cliché comments like that and all there's a fucking cover story!"

"Dean, I-" 

"No, save it, Sam. It's not like you can fix it anyway."

Dean's digging in his pocket now, pulls out a little bag of white ascension, and goes off to his room. Their room.

Like a coward.

"Dean!" Sam isn't fucking around anymore. Dean can't go off and get high forever. 

He bangs on the door, accusatory thunder. "Are you embarrassed? Is that what this is? Because if that's it, maybe I just won't be your boyfriend anymore."

It was fiancé. 

Dean proposed on a rainy backstage Friday during a concert high. Sam had cried. There had been and would be no ceremony. 

But boyfriend. 

The ultimate betrayal, the ultimate insult. 

Oh hell no. 

The door bursts open and Dean roughly jerks Sam inside, up against the wall. Damn kid needs to know his place. It's the drugs talking again and if anything it's offbrand hellfire or maybe heaven's rage. 

He's pinned fast to the wall, Dean's chest heaving a feral, frightful thing. 

"Don't you fucking dare." Bruises. Sam feels them, acontroversialslipintoallegedabuseandcameras, but doesn't move to stop his brother. Oh God that would kill him.

"You're mine, and I'm damn proud of it. Of you."

Hot, insistent lips against his, fervent and hungry, pulls Sam a bit back from the wall. 

"Dad said protect you."

A forceful slam, a backwards fall of approximately two inches. 

It sent him reeling from Dean. 

"But maybe you don't want that. Get out."

"De-" 

"Get the fuck out!" 

 

 

Dean's a killer when he's mad. 

Sam was sick to his stomach, kneeling over the toilet, throwing up and cursing obscenities as Dean wasted away. It was a perpetual motion, Dean getting high and Sammy being sick. 

Both ended up passed out, Crowley tried to placate the hordes of reporters and Benny was fed up with their bullshit. They should've been more careful.

This is why they can't have nice things. 

 

 

The next morning, aftershock and nausea-ridden, Sam tried not to meet Dean's gaze. Of was obvious he didn't remember, but that in no way made it alright. There were bruises, there were curses. Sam ached from that shove. 

Dean made every attempt to soothe over the wrong, but it just wasn't enough.

It wasn't enough on the tour bus, or backstage.


	18. the great bed crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you / don't / taste the same

The bus bumped along, air conditioning creaking. They'd been offered a nicer, smoother bus, but they'd become emotionally attached to the clunking piece of shit they'd always been carted around in. They each got a couple rows- mind you, this is like a Holiday bus, these are seats for sitting- and didn't complain about the creak in their bones or the protest their muscles gave once they were stretched. Beds would be nice, but of course that would take away the value of stretching. Find happiness in small releases or you'll always be dissatisfied. Usually Dean and Sammy took the double row in the very back under the premise that they were a couple and needed space to be close, but the first thing Dean noticed upon carting his bags into the bus is the symmetry being horribly off. There was a little setup engineered by Sammy the Genius dead in the middle: bags filling the space between the edge of the seat and the back of the next seat, a folded blanket smoothing it over and creating a fucking bed for himself.


	19. a dismal bathroom stall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do you love it more than me ? / is it just the drugs you see ?
> 
> -a sammy-led song.

Sammy's arm hung over the makeshift bed, but it took Dean a few sorrowful hours to notice the bruises. When he did, thank whatever force that spun the world, it was when they'd stopped at a gas station. He'd promptly thrown up, then contaminated his lungs with that heavenly hellish drug of his. Sammy had groggy-stumbled his way into the restroom, registered this acoustic display of pathetic self-pity, and went on his merry way. He took a piss, washed his face, tried to look presentable. If he has any control over anything it's his appearance. Dean expelled his fucking organs with periodic, staccato sniffles of cocaine while Sammy combed through his hair, hummed softly. This new album they're unveiling, it's less drums more vocals. He has the stage to roam tonight. Words to sing. 

"Sammy?" Dean croakes just as the younger boy had turned to go. "What?" Was Sam's reply, terse and simple. "What did I do?"

Sam lets out a deep sigh, was about to answer, then remembered Dean's drugs. He didn't say a word.


	20. backstage confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> paint me a lie / oh baby / i'll keep it till i die

"Sammy, come on." Sober now, Dean's distressed beyond belief. 

"It won't make me any less mad."

"I know, I know. Just... Please." 

Sam sighs. He feels the crowd's energy pulsing, a mixture of feelings he doesn't want to unravel. 

"You.. You just got a little rough, started cursing and acting like Dad."

Dean goes pale. "No... Sammy, I-"

"Let's go! We're not delaying for your drama!" Fucking Crowley. Dammit.

The crowd was a mixed bag. Uncertain faces, enthusiastic ones, glowering ones. Sam didn't think he could stomach it. This crowd, Dean had been right, had become a product of their own mistakes and love. Their own mistaken love. The lights just didn't seem right, and the only sounds above the crowd existed in the form of guitars. This isn't right. 

Dean had started interacting with the crowd one by one, which Sam had never done, and since he's drumless tonight he figures he might as well. 

That is, of course, until Dean silenced the whole joint: "Let me tell ya something bout Sammy."


	21. Chapter 21

"The thing about Sammy is, he won't take anyone's shit. You do something stupid and he'll either tell you or leave you alone to figure it out yourself. He won't stick around to watch you fail." Dean sighs, looks down. "I used to hate the former 'cause that's all he'd give me. Never let me mess up a day in my life. But, yesterday I was given the privilege of being left the hell alone, and I hated it. I hate it still, actually. I'd apologize but I don't think he's ready. So, let me tell you all, while I've got your attention, more than any fucking reporter can tell you." A long, tense pause. "Since I was eighteen, I'd wake up sometimes and find this damn kid holding me. I'd think, what the hell. I mean, not like I'm complaining, but /what the hell,/ you know? But I never did anything myself. There was never an underage element to this. /I didn't start it./ Sammy did." Another dramatic pause. "It was the night before our first big stage. Well, he turned eighteen that night, and that's when he first kissed me."


	22. the thing about dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> something's gotta give / oh you can't leave me like this / oh

"Here's the thing about Dean." Sam says matter-of-factly. "Phones away. All of you. Yes, even you in the back. And you, you think I don't see you? There we go. The thing about Dean is, he loves his drugs. Don't even think you're important to him. He loves the drugs more than you. And, no, I'm not demonizing him, so don't give me that look. Addiction is a fucking monster and it'll rip you apart if you let it, and at Dean's worst times, I'm afraid he's given in. Every lover he'll ever have will have to share him. He'll be having an affair with cocaine, and it's fucking killing him, killing me. I would've left him already, and right now, I'm pissed as hell, but I know it'll kill him if I go. Dean was right about everything, even us. We've always been consenting adults about it, and I refuse to allow you fuckers to say it was child abuse. I've seen the articles already. Fuck off." 

Sammy didn't let Dean talk. The concert went on and every little word was loud and clear about Dean. All this time.


	23. draw the line (this line is mine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> get your act up / that pretty panache for highs ain't getting you nowhere / come down

"Sam- Sammy-" Dean tries to get him to turn around, GodSammylookatmeyoufuckingshit but he won't. It's infuriating. He's sorry, he really is, and how are they gonna be a band like this?

They can't.

"Sam, we've gotta save face for the band-" Sammy whirls around then, an etheral body of rage. Muscles trembling, voice raspy and low. "Fuck the band, Dean. It's about you. Something's gotta give. Drugs or me. I'll quit the band, I'll be someone else's drummer, or pull some forming band into fame and be their singer."

"I-" 

"Drugs or me?"

DrugsassistandcontrolthecreativeprocessandgiveDeanhislifehiscareerallofthisisbecause-ohnoohnoohno

"That's what I fucking thought."

Dean loves drugs more than you.

Dean didn't see Sammy that night. Flight the next day whatdoesheexpectmetodo

He got his own motel room, searched 

the drive:

Incest? 'the drive's Dark Secret

'the drive' Amidst Controversy: Their Message versus Their Morals

Why Your Kids Shouldn't Listen to 'the drive'


	24. what benny thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you'll come crashing down soon enough

Jesus fucking Christ. These two, with their drama, their inability to keep control and keep it under the radar. Crowley could've fixed it so easily, he'd think it attention seeking if he didn't know better. 

A tragedy at best, these two were bound to break everything they touched. He's known this since the cigarette-and-desperation beginning, when the two were cyanide and breaking each other every chance they got just to fix each other.

Where are they now? Fucking shit. 

He cares to death about them, and they're a dangerous personality together and apart. Who knows what Sammy's doing out there. Not even Sam's Security Blanket could tell. Or maybe He could. To what degree is an omnipotent god omnipotent?

He couldn't even drink the worry away because half his band- no, half his family is gone.


	25. what sammy did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let's go home

No one knew sad and lonely street strolls like Sam Winchester. Down the section-eight streets, up to the drug dealer's apartment to get Dean's lifeline, Sam's occasional pill- back before the world meant more than these streets and religion, he too lived fast to die young- and out into the cities they played whenever Dean got high. Down this particular street he went, in search of privacy. He found it in an abandoned house, rotted to the core and creaking, breaking. Just how Sam felt. 

This, he felt, was song material, but he was too weary to think of words. He found a stool, sat, and prayed. Prayed while the moonlight shone in through the abused roof, and dust flitted through the air. Prayed for Dean to just come around, to let everyone stay on top. This is not how Sam Winchester intended to end his band. His plan would never involve forsaking his family.


	26. interlude : an article

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you / don't / love / the / same

Let's Talk About Tonight's Concert in Tallahassee

:

We've learned some pretty interesting things about the drive recently. From new albums to addiction battles, the most shocking by far is the incestual relationship between frontman Dean Winchester and his brother, Sam. Many a time have the members stated that this did not go on before Sam became of age, and if that's true, we're raised this question: Who are we to judge? In a world running amock with heinous acts, is it worth it to focus on simple lovers? The answer, the band has stated, is no. A brief telephone call with the band, with the exception of Sam, left me with this collective statement:

"There's more to worry about than someone's personal life choices. There's crime, there's terror, there's terrible things, yet you focus on two ordinary people trying to just live? Bullshit. We need to come together against the real threats, not self inflicted diversions."


	27. interlude: drug run//sweets

His name was Trey. 

He lived down at the cul-de-sac section of the complex, the drug hub. Sammy, from age six, would walk down there and exchange payment for addictives because nobody would dare mess with John Winchester's boy. Tough as nails, the kid could stand his own, and then not only would John come after you, but Dean and Benny would, too. Then you'd be fucked up with bruises and maybe a broken bone or two. Only once did someone have to find this out the hard way. 

Anyways, Trey. He'd give Sammy candy- pure, unaltered candy- every time he came over. See, even the lowest of the low have a heart, and this situation is no different than any other. Sam would revel in this treat, and would come back home with a handful of pretzel M&M's. This was the pinnacle of everyone's day, in truth. Sammy's candy trumped the drugs in terms of memories, the happiness on the kid's face, the luxury of something they could only dream of buying themselves. The childish glee in Sammy, though, was the best part of all.


	28. Chapter 28

Kiss: drug impaired Dean, drunk Sammy under the mistletoe, exchanging 'i love you's

Sex: Sammy turned eighteen on this day. The world had ceased to exist and everything went slow. No kissing, as they wanted to save that first for later. They'd made love but didn't admit to said love until the next Christmas  
.

Real Fight: Drugs or me, Dean?

Breakup: That's what I thought.


	29. i know it won't be easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you were never really mine / but you've no reason to go

Sammy came back five minutes before Crowley was going to officially Sound the Alarm. This was, of course, a full hour after Benny's Three Hour Rushing kicked in, so the tension had been high whilst their spirits were low. "Sammy," Dean breathes, getting up from the bed in the far corner, "Baby, please, I'm sorry." Sam huffs, uses his phone as a mirror, correcting his hair. It was becoming ponytail long and curled, so he had a right to be particular. The silence was long, tense. Dean broke it. "I never answered your question." His voice is flat; Sammy's stunned. "And?"

"You. I choose you."

"It won't be easy."

"I know. But you know what's harder? You fucking leaving me."

Sammy took the strides to the bed, tackled him into a hug, and the world slowed to a stop, just Sam and Dean and nothing else.


	30. Chapter 30

The media got over themselves eventually. 

They played those hate filled concerts through, unfazed, until the judgement that sometimes surfaced never came back. Their message would always be tolerance.

Benny never did stop drinking.

Dean battled with drugs for a full year, with Sammy by his side. They got married, too. Miracles, right?

They adopted a dog, named Cupcake. Then, years later, twins. Alina Nova Winchester, and Kinna Aimee Winchester. Beautiful babies, beautiful girls. Blonde and brown eyes, fit right in.

Our story ends here, painted as prettily as possible.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you:
> 
> Winmance: your unconditional support and push to write this
> 
> lilcupcake03: stuck with us right to the very end
> 
> sisterstarlight: somewhere along the lines you got hooked and you've read a great deal of my shit


End file.
